Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think im going to throw up on grandma
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up under a house in Key West
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