I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They have beer where we have blood.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
