but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
