Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
