We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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