What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
