was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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