and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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