I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
