Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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