wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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