you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
