I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she told me i tasted like america
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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