I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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