So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
