haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
