my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do vagina's smell?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
