My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
