im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
