nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
