her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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