Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
