pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
