There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
