I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
