im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
