If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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