He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
