His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
