So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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