If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
