I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
