but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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