I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
