come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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