Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
