So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
