So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
