hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
