So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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