Where are you?
In a non slutty way
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
