Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
