If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
its liver damage thursday
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