You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
