my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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