Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
