i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
