We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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