The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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