$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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