Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You smell like stripper and shame
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
