So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
