We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he fucked my hip out of place.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
